Who said it would be easy? Many have difficulty adjusting to life after divorce. Depending on the type of relationship held prior to the divorce, reason(s) for the divorce and the livelihood of each after the divorce, it can be devastating to one and a blessing to the other; devastating to both, or a blessing to both. Whatever the cause may be for the divorce, an acceptance of it determines how one moves on with his/her life.
Some may be so used to being married and are totally lost when it comes to dating; whereas, others may be ready for an adventure in hitting the dating scene. A casual relationship may appease some; whereas, others may long for a committed relationship. The problem comes when one wants one type of relationship, but the one whom they’re trying to get with wants the opposite. To avoid a misunderstanding or the feeling of being lied to, cheated on or taken advantage of, one must be specific as to what he/she wants when dating. When one settles on the type of relationship based upon what the other wants or expects; instead of remaining true to self, they establish precedents and/or practices that may become detrimental to a future relationship with that person. Although it’s good to compromise; setting aside what you want just to please another usually results in unwanted and unnecessary pain, stress, bitterness and misunderstanding.
After a divorce, before getting back into the dating scene and/or beginning a relationship, the following question should be asked of oneself: Have you allowed yourself a chance to get to know yourself as a single man/woman before getting into a relationship? Do you have baggage that will only allow you to continue the patterns of behavior you have previously succumbed to? Have you searched your heart and realized what causes insecurity, intimidation, mistrust, jealousy, hurt and pain within you, and what actions to take to nip in the bud? Do you really know what makes you happy? How is your spiritual life? Are you being proactive or reactive in your prayer life? What can you bring to the table in a relationship? What are you expecting from a man/woman? These are just a few questions that will help you to become focused on moving on after divorce. Until you are able to answer the aforementioned, you stand a chance of reliving your past. All things are normally good at the beginning. But LIFE happens after the infatuation wears off and reality sets in. The question is, “Are you honest and open enough with self to attract the same honesty and openness from another?”
After a divorce, usually one immediately clings to another relationship to sustain the heartache occurred because of the separation. However, sometimes, it’s because the one who they have clung to is the one who was a major contributor to there being an ex- spouse. In reality “Did You Train Your Ex for Their Next Lover”? That’s an interesting topic that I will dive into via future blogs.
Until then, take one day at a time learning and loving you again while fulfilling your desires and dreams. Remembering the following scriptures:
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5
“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.” Proverbs 16:9
“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven” Ecclesiastes 3:1